Imaging sequence begins. Police sirens wail.Imaging voice M:
What's that twirling ruckus?
Upbeat country music plays in the background.Imaging voice M2:
If you're partying hard until the man comes, you're on Radio Ruckus, lover boy, with Georgie Edward Hanks.Georgie Edward Hanks:
Howdy, listeners. This is Georgie Edward Hanks and you're listening to Radio Ruckus, where the tales of outlaws, lonely housewives and barbecue parties are only sung. Unlike all the other stations that play nothing but scary clown gangster rap, boring bible speak or electric music that sounds like 500 flushing toilets, I'm playing the oldest but classiest tracks to listen to in the countryside, matter-of-factly, the desert here in Nevada. It's nothin' but dust but it's worth an adventure. Here's a classic hit for you folks - Clover Feldt ~ Jolly Ol' Walk.
Clover Feldt ~ Jolly Ol' WalkInstrumental | Upbeat guitar soloGeorgie Edward Hanks:
Let's see what our friendly sponsors are holding up.
Advert | Mercurian Subsequent GrillAdvertiser M:
Are your buddies making fun of you for making your burgers look like hairy butts? Do you think your sausages are getting past the radar? Are your buddies just here for the conversation rather than eating out? It's not because you're a lousy cook, it's because your cheap old grill's not doing any better to please the tongues of many! Here's a little something that has the unique climactic properties as the planet that's closest to the Sun: Mercurian Subsequent, created by South Korean electronics company Gecti and fit enough for a traditional American outdoor party! If it's anything you really love to grill - steaks, pork, omelettes, pancakes, noodles, bagels, seaweed or lobster, the Mercurian Subsequent got a seriously great kit that produces the baddest heat that could make your meals considerably
done! Not just that, but it also makes puddings for you! Frozen soda cans, sorbet, grilled bananas, chocolate cake, breakfast churros, custard, doughnuts or liquorice, whatever it is you desire! The Mercurian Subsequent has the purest heat to grill up your dinners and the freshest coolness to chill out your drinks and desserts so you can eat 'em when they're icy! Oh yeah, the hot mode does have the ability to make hot drinks too so you can reheat your coffee or tea anytime you leave it for too long to be cold as a wet sweater! Mercurian Subsequent, best thing to have for a party nearer to the sun!Georgie Edward Hanks:
If you're gonna go somewhere real calm, I'd advise you to check out Callville; it's what I call my grandson's Mecca. Don't go to that huge tent building in the Strip; those killer clowns... they're out there.
Just go for the Excalibur and you're fine. If you're feeling insecure, here's a song that'll keep you company.
Brad Paisley ~ Behind the Clouds
When you're feeling lonely, lost and let down
Seems like those dark skies are following you around
And life's just one big shade of grey
You wonder if you'll see the light of day
Behind the clouds, the sun is shining
Believe me even though you can't quite make it out
You may not see the silver lining
But there's a big blue sky waiting right behind the clouds
I've heard it said that this too shall pass
Good times or bad times, neither one lasts
But thinking that your luck won't ever change
Is like thinking it won't ever stop once it starts to rain
Behind the clouds, the sun is shining
Believe me even though you can't quite make it out
You may not see the silver lining
But there's a big blue sky waiting right behind the clouds
Yeah, there's a big blue sky waiting right behind the clouds
Introductory radio sequence begins.
Imaging voice: Tired of some silly warehouse party music? [aggressively bad techno plays Or just any song that sounds like this? [sounds of loud, heavy farts and a toilet flushing] Maybe good old country would help you with your Sunday driving trips. It's Radio Ruckus, with good old man Georgie Edward Hanks.
Georgie Edward Hanks: Guess it's time for a quick phone call from one of the listeners. Howdy, this is Georgie Edward Hanks and you're tuned to Radio Ruckus.
Caller M: Does this station play vintage records?
Georgie Edward Hanks: As long as it ain't loud girly pop, it sure is.
Caller M: Then does it have anything totally rhetorical or beyond questionable lyrics?
Georgie Edward Hanks: Most of 'em do speak of rhetorical questions about a person's life story, adventure and partying so if any of those are what you're lookin' for, then this is the right station for you.
Caller M: Huh, this doesn't sound old material enough.
Georgie Edward Hanks: Then I can't think of much to recommend you. You must be from that awkward Portland hipster scene, but those country songs I picked ain't modern so you can go ahead and listen.
Caller M: Sell anything antique? I could go with a guitar and a good set of clothes that fit my appreciation for agricultural values.
Georgie Edward Hanks: Well I can't wait to afford your generosity. My son'll be in charge of the shopping so kindly help yourself.
Advert | Twinklies
Advertiser F: Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Twinklies, the most fabulous goldmine in all of Las Vegas! Don't be lookin' glum in the slum, just reach for those fine machines and you'll be up to some good work findin' pretty good gold! Unlike The Golden Nugget, Twinklies demands peace and quiet so you can gamble without much of the whoopin' and hollerin' goin' on! Since it's October, we're handin' out a free meat platter to whoever is the 1000th gambler to gather up 10000 winnings as possible before next month and that's just the best meal deal to easily beat the gold bag of 7 giant chicken nuggets for winning 777s 7 times in a row from The Golden Nugget which is too cheap to get! We don't offer much but being a 4-star casino, we're at least quite promising when it comes to good folks and good luxury! Twinklies, always the same sparkle in everyone's eyes.
Imaging M: Twinklies, brought to you by Radio Ruckus, left-wing country station that brings the good old songs when you just like to relax by the river or travel across the forest.
Sigourney Knowles ~ Right Behind Y'all
Right behind y'all
Georgie Edward Hanks: This one's a one hit wonder in Canada as it is in Australia, United Kingdom and the goddamn Confederate Republic which they think every country song sounds Southern but I've heard better English bar songs than the songs about Alabama, Louisiana or whatever redneck patriot anthem they listen to. Enough talk, let's hear this vixen sing.
There's bound to be catching up to do
Before one thing comes true
Which you'll be late to see
The shadows that you'll not slowly find
Unless you can pretend to be blind
Hey, don't give up right now
Anxiety won't make your future run foul
Come now, you'll see what I mean
When we get out of here clean
I'm right behind y'all
Yes my friend, right behind y'all
You don't need to be in this room
Unless darkness makes you the slave
Radio in the country is more country as it gets to sound strange
There's only one of type of dialogue that doesn't change
So why can't we just try something just for once?
Is diversity being fixed by such a dunce?
Companies say that corporations are as common as we are
Sounds to me that they don't know what national monopoly is, yes, every American gave us their car
I foresee those thoughts in your head
Well please don't say you wish to be dead
Just know that I'm right behind y'all
What sort of dollar am I making, you ask?
I can't believe what trade they had to mask
Better said than not, I'm right behind y'all
Why I said this is that I just wanted to have you know
That you're not alone, oh no
Don't do it if you could listen
As I tell, they're so brazen
That's right, behind y'all
Right behind y'all
25-seconds of calm instrumentation
Imaging M: Nostalgia ain't better when there's no small town for a playground; that's how the classic country life is. Radio Ruckus, with the old man Georgie Edward Hanks.
Advert: Steaming Fry's Grill House
Advertiser: Cooking is always a fancy hobby, especially when it comes to making a good evening meal... [sound of power going out]
Man: Damn it!! This cooker just got busted!
Advertiser M: ...But sometimes it could get a little tiring in times like this, right? If you deserve a well done breakfast or a nice midday lunch then why not go over to Steaming Fry's Grill House, the house where homecooked meals are all done without trouble. Don't like cooking with electric? We got your back, but not in the kitchen so you shouldn't worry about your beans running cold. Since it's Fall, we're holding out a fair 20% off discount for every 3 side dishes you buy for breakfast. And no, we don't do nights - just a fair, good old place of eating and talking with the good folks in the bright daylight is what we desire. Steaming Fry's Grill House - A good break has to start here.
Stephanie MacFarlane ~ Going Toward the Light
Why are you always alone
Just being nowhere else, but home?
It ain't like I did something wrong
To make you go back to where you belong
Or maybe it's just me
Your lonely background is all I can see
Here I am, complaining about how much I hate the dust
That's been lurking in our house for days, so to clean it up we must
But then again, this sorta hobby wastes time
No, I don't anyone could do it for a dime
To be honest, I've raised my concerns about something that might be heavy
That here in the wetlands of this patch of desert, we're expected to drown
Sad it is, so you shouldn't lock our doors so it can be keeled down
Which it ain't gonna
Complete shame it's a downer
Guess we'll be going toward the light
But we don't need this house for a cave
We just need to go toward the light
So outta this valley, we're goin'
Or this nasty rain's gonna be a blight
You don't play the hero,
You should be going toward the light
Yup, our house is underwater
Even along with my favourite bottle of ol' liquor
That Californian blue glass was all I ever knew
Oh, how quickly old times flew
But it's so bad when you're in for bad luck
That you now need to be going toward the light
Going toward the light
I almost lost the will to live
But I'm already going toward the light
Why did I choose to be close to that darn river?
But I'm now going toward the light
Georgie Edward Hanks: Optimism, it goes well without emotion. Not like in the happy woodland critter cartoons. Nah, that don't mean I love the look of them becoming mindless roadkill either. Beauty's all shapes and sizes.
Advert: Tales of Outlaws Theme Park ~ Chainbeard
Advertiser M: The publisher that gave players the wonderful experience of the Tales of Outlaws videogame franchise now gave them the chance to experience its reality: going to the Tales of Outlaws Theme Park. It's only been 50 years since we've had Nightstick within New Orleans, Bashrock in Oklahoma City which is the most boring, Bone Valley near the Grand Canyon, Carrington in Orange County, now here in Nevada, we finally built the most popular main city in the series: Chainbeard. It's the most fascinating centre of steam that could unintentionally attract too many hipsters but at least we got a lot of steampunk fans coming in along with the fans of Tales of Outlaws. Everything's so fancy when it's steamed - steamed vegetables and meat, steamed clothes, steam engines, steaming bathhouses, everything here is steaming, including the prices and everyone's emotions. So why don't y'all come on down here? Don't get all too steamed up if you're too late. There's always next time but you'll never wait, can you? Chainbeard, all things capital just have to feel so hot here.
Imaging M: Not happy because it ain't your birthday just yet? Well, why not a birthday party for the real music that's been on this planet for years? [celebratory noises] Knock your partner's socks off to Radio Ruckus.
Nelly Hubert ~ I Hate Myself When It's Sunny
Georgie Edward Hanks: This song's only on in case any hipsters or emos have unintentionally switched to the wrong station... or at least wanted to.
This just doesn't feel right
Why do I deserve to feel such pain
When the skies are all clear
Do I have a chance of seeing enough rain?
My neighbours aren't quite pleasant
A woman going by the title of "The Whale" rose up to the air
As I hear a dash of water going by
I laughed a little, but it was just out of feeling that life was unfair
Should I hate myself when it's sunny?
But then this sunshine just came in
Since I got nothing on me, I think there's no point of staying in
So I had to get outta my house
Right when the sun could slap me in the eyes with the rays that came sitting
Okay, now I hate myself when it's sunny
I hate myself when it's sunny
Just why could this negative effect have the right to pick on me?
It's not like I don't recall nothing like that happening
Nor am I blinder than anybody could see
Yep, I hate myself when it's sunny
As I came past a church, I saw a sad gathering of people
I know it's a funeral but I never cared what happened to everybody else at this time
Because I hate myself when it's sunny
Anyone I knew as a friend of mine
Is saddened by the sight of me right now, so why're they leaving me? I just feel like dying
Now I hate myself when it's sunny
I just wish I could sit by the river in Callville
So I could forget about this hurtful sun
Yeah I hate myself when it's sunny
Oh when'll it be over?
I can't stand it any longer, even with no one
Attention don't make me right if I hate myself when it's sunny
Georgie Edward Hanks: Anyone could insist that football's made by Central Europeans who let their wives do so much housework, dreams are made for gamers, wearing hats are for short-haired fellas, religion is for teenagers who are too shoved up their own asses to care about their whole appearances which leads to the fact that most of 'em are, uh, "cost-to-plays" or whatever they do with those weird outfits they called characters from some Japanese cartoon called "Aunt May" or videogames... Oh hang on, "Aunt May", sorry I meant "anime", I used to go to the Las Vegas Convention Center where I kept on hearing that word when I was talking with a buncha nice kids wearing those Tales of Outlaws outfits which were part of the "cost-to-play" which I mean cosplay. So yeah, real nice game they're playing.
Imaging M: Radio Ruckus!
Background voice: YAHOOOOOOOOO!!
Piano melody plays in background along with chickens clucking, chicks chirping and sizzling meat.
Imaging M: There's gotta be one heck of a party somewhere! [intense, gritty BGM plays as the voice changes to haunting] No, that doesn't mean you, Trance, with your sissy white noise that you call techno or wave that you keep playing in warehouses...
Outer Reno Devil Lizardmen ~ Better Shot Once More
Whoa, is this the brightest time of day?
Where are we gonna play?
Am I dreaming or is this what I ever wanted?
Just how soon will it be before my heart will be lifted?
Georgie Edward Hanks: My son couldn't help but choke up through that bit of paragraph. To me, it's laughable.
Don't you think it's nice to sit by the lake?
So why not go out together for old time's sake?
Just roll with me as we go toward the light
Then you'll see that I am quite right
When we seek real solace
Of nostalgia and no sign of malice...
Music intensifies from calm to upbeat.
Yep, better chance once more
If you're feeling rather sore
Just give yourself a better chance once more
Are you looking so poor?
How about a better chance once more?
Please don't let yourself go down too deep
Don't go over a cliff too steep
Or you'll never find the opportunity by the closest door
So find a better chance once more
Better chance once more (Good luck to you)
Better chance once more (It's good if you're honest)
Should it be all doom and gloom
And your next day just ain't gonna bloom
How's about a better shot once more?
Better shot once more
Better shot once more
Even if you can't find something you need
And anxiety makes you nothing but lifeless weed
Then what more depression could give you
Is anger, which you'll have no control over too
It's best to be happy, so have a better chance once more
Better chance once more
Forget death, a better you is God's generosity
Better chance once moreGeorgie Edward Hanks:
That's how you embrace optimism by the fairest opportunity of your life. Especially if you're still on jail or looking for a glass of water at a bar where anyone barely serves you at the time.
The song ends.Georgie Edward Hanks:
Just recalled that I got to go get some ginger beer. You have yourself a commercial break.
Advert: Crashville Monster NightAnnouncer M:
Everybody! This is your chance to go to Crashville's Halloween special event Monster Night where drivers of all ranks start tearing up the sands of the Las Vegas Valley by driving big nasty cars, trucks and vans and make up the highway to Hell
and get ready to crash and die!! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BLACK SMOKE EXCEPT, ON THIS PART OF THE SEASON, IT'S ALL CYANIDE AND MUSTARD GAS!
(And some killer robot spiders, 'cause that's scarier.) Tonight's demolition derby for Halloween is gonna be one big obstacle course of destruction! With body parts going everywhere! Girls screaming! Boys shouting out for blood! Pigs going home! If you're so worried about the budget of the damages we'd be causing to public property, then you have no guts to enjoy every small part of it! Crashville - open to you pay-as-you-go only on October 27th-31st. This announcement was brought to you by Craw Bay.Imaging voice M:
Nevada is nothing but desert and it's all too quiet... you're sad and depressed... that's not a good story to start off with... [faint wind blows for a few seconds until the sounds of muscle cars came running along]
But you're not alone! Whether you got lost in the sand or scared in the alleyways, please tune in to Radio Ruckus! Bring on the nice noise of the countryside!
Weather & time of day noticesGeorgie Edward Hanks:
It's quite a heckle when I'm tasked to do some little weather reports but I'm doing it anyway - it's just very hot out here since it's the desert, judging by all the sand around this radio station. Nothing more to say about it.Georgie Edward Hanks:
Aw, I just liked this hat... yeah, it's gonna be really pouring down with rain so no holding on to your hats but keep your hair on. It won't take forever.Georgie Edward Hanks:
It's October and it's fall, which means there's an awful lot of leaves and children are going to Halloween parties which means more mess for garbage men to clear up. Same goes for those stupid clown parties near Fiendland. In other words, it's just clear to you folks.Georgie Edward Hanks:
This station may be located in Callville but that doesn't mean the fellas of Las Vegas ain't got to hear any classics since we got a better frequency. Just 9 decades ago, Radio Ruckus was planned to be sited in Arizona near the Hoover Dam until McHenry Incorporated owned some land it was meant to be placed in so we ended up in the woods but it's safe and sound from any mean animals. Especially those ostriches that'd kick you so hard you'll be gutted like a frog.Georgie Edward Hanks:
Although we're based in the woods, I'd have to warn you desert dwellers and sophisticated city youngsters there's blistering sands twirling about. That's nature's right of causing a right ruckus, just like what I do here on this station.Georgie Edward Hanks:
Whew. It's so hot in here that I hope it surely melts the makeup of those ninja clowns, I think that's what they call themselves, if you get me. Don't call me vague.Georgie Edward Hanks:
Hate to sound like a Texan like Gavin Mecca-Making-a-Penny but Nevada just feels hotter than a fresh tray of cupcakes.Georgie Edward Hanks:
Good morning, fellow listeners. It's your old man, Georgie Edward Hanks. Good time to play some golden country, is it not?Georgie Edward Hanks:
Howdy! Midday's 'round the block and we're just having a really good party. Oh don't worry, it's not like we're doing it at a warehouse like those freaky young girls in pastel colours from the '80s are doing with all the cakes from outta space, gins and juices and pacifiers they get to chew their teeth on - just like my granddaddy, 'cept he had a wooden plank.Georgie Edward Hanks: [yawns]
Did the Sandman just come in to give me sweet dreams or is that orange-pink sky doing the beauty trick that's putting everyone to bed?Georgie Edward Hanks:
Country music can be all good when nighttime comes along. Just sit by my side, partner, and let's make ourselves a memorable campfire just outside.
Mission With No NameGeorgie Edward Hanks:
The park rangers and Clark County deputies just notified me about some satanic ritual that happened over at the Anderson Wash a few years back. I'm kinda scared half to death about what they'll do to the harmless animals. If you're planning on camping out in the woods, just stay out of danger, folks. Tolerance just isn't always the best thing in those situations.
Legitimate BusinessGeorgie Edward Hanks:
Just heard from the locals of Las Vegas that crazed clown gang activity has started with a store stickup. Can't believe those freaks are doing that - you can't move on your way up like that! What if I need some white lightning?!
Birthmark of the HuntressGeorgie Edward Hanks:
Darn it, those goddamn insane clowns keep on making things worse for the people in Las Vegas! This ain't Orange Street; stop shooting up the shops or I'll just go down and play the hero with you guys! Can't you go back to spreading joy at birthday parties!? I can't have a good sausage party if I hear nasty news stories about some sideshow gone hideously wrong!
Power for the KingdomGeorgie Edward Hanks:
Gosh! There's some burning cars and dead men in suits along the road just a few yards away from this station. I just heard gunfire and cars chasing each other, is it some kinda getaway or just some death race? If you wanna do that, at least get over to get yourself signed up at Crashville - that's where the real action happens.
Night At The LuxorGeorgie Edward Hanks:
Just when I was gonna get to Henderson, I just saw some bright red light coming from the top of the Luxor, does that mean Halloween just started? If that's right, then I don't want outsiders banging on my door and throwing eggs at my automobile.
Misunderstanding PsychologyGeorgie Edward Hanks:
A good fella of mine told me there's some so-called jug-lows who terrorised one of the golf clubs in Las Vegas. Is this the work of those clown gangsters?! I told you to keep your own armada in check, Horrible Sounds Studios! There's enough old folks who wanna have all the fun with their young 'uns and there's little kids who just love to party all the time all full of energy. I'm gonna have the FBI on your asses if you tolerate this kinda terrorism!! My callers always tolerate the music I play and what I do in my spare time. I don't get all worked up too often but I'm saying that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Over the TopGeorgie Edward Hanks:
I heard every evil clown mob has gone down today. Hahahahahaha!! Nice going to those who showed them who's boss! This is the only time I found something I consider a laughing
matter when the clowns are down!
Heh heh heh heh!
Cracking the VerdictGeorgie Edward Hanks:
Did I hear something about the CIA having the Clark County Wetlands Park on lockdown? I thought park rangers could do that, I never saw it happen in Yellowstone when those geysers are getting mighty and angry. It's not like the land is wet enough to drown you all.
One Old NationGeorgie Edward Hanks:
Another forest has been locked down by local authorities because they just found the bodies of several cultists, black metal freaks and CIA agents just lying around. This left me to assume that they were too stupid enough to learn about the lore behind that steampunk videogame series Tales of Outlaws; it just does not have any satanic messages within any of the music of the Wild West. Say, are those black metal culture folks trying to culturally infringe the Crow or Cherokee people or are they just dumb "jug-lows" in sinister football gear?
Breaking Out BadlyGeorgie Edward Hanks:
Just recently, I wanted to check out my stocks but I caught word that McHenry Incorporated and The Golden Nugget have both gone in the red. This just turned out to be my luckiest day after all, one conservative-fuelled monopoly just fell to the floor. Let's throw in a never-ending party, folks!